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Jul. 17th, 2023 01:18 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
neonanimalow weekend, who knows why. i went to the new kinokuniya store with n and m, which was delightful, then we ate at a hotpot place, new to me and possibly even more delightful. got a pink pen and a spiral-bound notebook with pink jellyfish on the cover. i decided it'll be my notebook for media-watching notes.
i was going to go to n's and spend more time with their new kitten after that, but i asked m to drive me home, then cried for no reason and put myself to bed.
it feels like months ago that i started joking about how i always want to play video games when my depression is at its worst. wellbutrin feels like it's doing absolutely fuck all for me motivation-wise, and it's supposed to be the one that's really good for that. my libido did resurface for a while, i think because of my birth control (junel), but it was making me so nauseous that i stopped taking it and am going to ask for something else on my leep post-op appointment. my hormones might be all fucked up. it could be pms too. my period is late and i suspect my gyno will tell me it's the leep's fault.
mars had a minor birthday gathering. i commiserated with her about how using a keyboards for video games is so much easier for us than controllers. she can be delightful but my social awkwardnesses stumble over hers, like her tendency to say "so..." as a way to keep extending the conversation past its natural death and my tendency to trail off and avoid eye contact and never have any faith that the next topic i think of is interesting or relevant enough to jump to.
i kept walking in on mars' boyfriend necking s's ex in the kitchen and i'm sure everything is on the up and up but it felt like i was interrupting. i'm not used to the lifestyle of openly sexual polyamory anymore and i don't know if i'll ever trust enough people in my life to experience it again.
there were heavenly cupcakes and i restrained myself to one.
i was going to go to n's and spend more time with their new kitten after that, but i asked m to drive me home, then cried for no reason and put myself to bed.
it feels like months ago that i started joking about how i always want to play video games when my depression is at its worst. wellbutrin feels like it's doing absolutely fuck all for me motivation-wise, and it's supposed to be the one that's really good for that. my libido did resurface for a while, i think because of my birth control (junel), but it was making me so nauseous that i stopped taking it and am going to ask for something else on my leep post-op appointment. my hormones might be all fucked up. it could be pms too. my period is late and i suspect my gyno will tell me it's the leep's fault.
mars had a minor birthday gathering. i commiserated with her about how using a keyboards for video games is so much easier for us than controllers. she can be delightful but my social awkwardnesses stumble over hers, like her tendency to say "so..." as a way to keep extending the conversation past its natural death and my tendency to trail off and avoid eye contact and never have any faith that the next topic i think of is interesting or relevant enough to jump to.
i kept walking in on mars' boyfriend necking s's ex in the kitchen and i'm sure everything is on the up and up but it felt like i was interrupting. i'm not used to the lifestyle of openly sexual polyamory anymore and i don't know if i'll ever trust enough people in my life to experience it again.
there were heavenly cupcakes and i restrained myself to one.